CES Gadget Roundup: Day Zero

This is amazing.


It’s tough to numerically pinpoint which days of CES are which. If you’re in the tech media, Monday’s really the first full day of CES, but you show up on Sunday (or earlier) because there are a few things on Sunday; if you’re a tradesperson, Tuesday’s really the first full day of CES. Actually, Tuesday is the first official day of CES, seeing that the show this year runs from January 7 to January 10. January 7 is the first day the show floor is open.

A lot of stuff happens before the show floor opens, though, and Monday is the first full day that a bunch of stuff is officially scheduled starting first thing in the morning and stretching well into the night. In that spirit, I’ll refer to Sunday as Day Zero and you can wonder why you just read two entire paragraphs worth of nonsense.


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Remember Me, Damn It

Ironically, this post is far from being punctual. My aim for this blog was to post at least once daily. Yup, f-d it from the start and it’s only the 2nd day. What a douche…

I have no particular agenda, so let’s open with a funny thought. Biting into food and it screams a horrifying tone of suffering. That’s funny, because it’s unexpected. It’s like jamming a stick in the spokes of a moving bike, or toddlers tripping over (no, not hurting themselves from it. I’m not that sadistic), but you understand where I’m coming from.

Dad jokes, however, ARE expected as soon as the freakin’ mouth opens, so you know it’ll be very dry, and I’m not talking about the woman that’s sleeping with him after he’s said it.
For example, ‘Biting into food and it screams a horrifying tone of suffering’ would be followed with “well cannibals shouldn’t have sushi then, hueh hueh…” Haha… *socks in face*

Interestingly, a particular sort of juxtaposition humour, if that’s technically what it’s called, is one of my favourite genres of comedy. Please, have listen at joke I say, yes?

So I’m on a bus from down south and these derelicts are pumping tinny, 96kbps rap through their flip Motorola. Not long later, a verbal dispute occurs due to the “yeah, sorry mate, but I f-d ya mum” poetry that’s interrupting everyone’s inner apocalyptic thoughts. “Hey, mate! How ’bout you turn that shit off?” The dropkick then yells “‘ey, brew. Come here and try me, bruz. Ya mum did.” *ongoing profanities and stoner laughter*
The other guy has nothing of it and starts laying into this tool, but has no sign of stopping. Everyone then starts screaming and yell to the bus driver to stop, but he continues on. After sometime, people are crying and the derelict is a bloody pulp. The bus driver is finally arrested.

See? Unexpected AND funny! Ah, comedy…